The thing about my left thumb

There’s a lot about chemo that’s obvious: It’s hard. There will be nausea. Your hair might fall out. But there are all these little things that they don’t really warn you about, no matter how…

All the tears

I cry a lot lately. Silent tears. Ugly tears. Loud, heaving sobs that make my body ache. Tears of the fear of dying. Tears of the injustice that this disease is going to take me…

I don’t want to, but I will

I went to a somatic bodywork session recently that helped me come to the realization that my anxiety is a mask for the fear that is underneath it. Fear of dying. Fear of suffering. Fear of…

Anatomy of a chemo week

It’s a chemo week. What does that mean? I’ll tell you: Day 1: Infusion Center. I spend a lot of this day at the infusion center, which is a pretty big space with about 12…

Fight Club was right

I went to a support group for women with metastatic cancer. It was the first time I’ve been to a support group. Before this, everything I knew about support groups I learned from watching the…

Trying to spread my wings a bit

We’re planning a trip to Los Angeles. This isn’t something that seems like a big deal, but it’s going to be the first time I’ve gotten on an airplane since my diagnosis. One thing that…