An extraordinary five years
I saw my oncologist last week. She gave me the results of my latest CT scan, and I asked her how long I can expect to live. She gave some context before saying “Five years…
I don’t want to, but I will
I went to a somatic bodywork session recently that helped me come to the realization that my anxiety is a mask for the fear that is underneath it. Fear of dying. Fear of suffering. Fear of…
Anatomy of a chemo week
It’s a chemo week. What does that mean? I’ll tell you: Day 1: Infusion Center. I spend a lot of this day at the infusion center, which is a pretty big space with about 12…
Fight Club was right
I went to a support group for women with metastatic cancer. It was the first time I’ve been to a support group. Before this, everything I knew about support groups I learned from watching the…
Dream a little dream
I haven’t been remembering my dreams. This is unusual for me because I’ve always been a vivid dreamer. But since my diagnosis, it’s like I haven’t been dreaming. Even if I wake up from…
Trying to spread my wings a bit
We’re planning a trip to Los Angeles. This isn’t something that seems like a big deal, but it’s going to be the first time I’ve gotten on an airplane since my diagnosis. One thing that…
Melancholy days
Some days, like today, I find it hard to find delight. Some days, like today, I’m in the middle of a 48-hour chemo infusion, it’s raining, I’m kind of tired, and my face is rosy…
On delight…and spoon covers
“What is this,” you ask. It’s a spoon cover. It covers this spoon and also tells me to enjoy my meal (which I DID!). Also? It’s so cute. This spoon seems so much more special…