Words I Wasn’t Really Expecting to Say Yet
Cancer does not want me to do the things I’m most wanting to do. For example, my studsband, Mac, and I have been working to celebrate our three-year wedding anniversary at our favorite local getaway….
Breathing, and radiation, and ice cream, oh my!
Here’s the thing about cancer. It’s unrelenting. It’s the type of thing that simply stays on your mind all the time, even when what you’re trying to do is think about only the good things…
Crushing it a little bit
Last chemo cycle was my best one yet. The first week wasn’t spent at the bottom of the pit of inconsolable despair and hopelessness; mostly I just floated around at the top of said pit,…
The thing about my left thumb
There’s a lot about chemo that’s obvious: It’s hard. There will be nausea. Your hair might fall out. But there are all these little things that they don’t really warn you about, no matter how…
Don’t mind me, I’m just meditating
I’m not super big on New Year’s Resolutions. I usually come up with three very achievable goals, and the third one has remained constant for the past 20 years, at least: Don’t suffer fools gladly….
On hair loss and service dogs
I had a few days in a row without tears. Up to, and including, my second round of chemo. Then my hair fell out on Friday. Well, to be honest, first a handful of my…
All the tears
I cry a lot lately. Silent tears. Ugly tears. Loud, heaving sobs that make my body ache. Tears of the fear of dying. Tears of the injustice that this disease is going to take me…
November is hard
This time last year, I got my cancer diagnosis after a couple months of increasing, constant nausea and constipation. I was having such a hard time eating and drinking that I was admitted to the…
Maybe I am a superhero
I know. It’s been a while. What have I been doing? Well…I went to Hawaii for my second wedding anniversary. Then, while I was there I had, you know, a brain hemorrhage. From the 4-centimeter…
Joyful things, big and small
It’s been easier to find joy these days. It helps to have three-week stretches of time in between visits to the infusion center. And to be off the dreaded, zombiness-inducing compazine. Mac and I have…